Artful Scheme of Happiness

Au revoir, you bastard

Our horrible neighbors moved away a couple of weeks ago, which would have been nice but for two things. One, they turned on all the lights in the house (including the porch lights in the front and the back) before they left. The back porchlight shines directly into my bedroom, day and night. Fantastic.

But that's not the really bad news. The really bad news is that they took their cat with them. Rat Bastard. Kitty Mews-A-Lot is no more! Who will greet me as I walk home from the bus each day? Who will climb up my screendoor to say hi? Who will try to sneak into my room through the open window (besides various criminals and whores)?

It's a sad, sad day. I'll miss you, Kitty Mews-A-Lot!

posted by art @ 7:20 AM

Risky Business

This is the first line of an article I read this morning:

People who are overweight but not obese have a lower risk of death than those of normal weight, federal researchers are reporting today.

I'm going to go ahead and say that they're a little bit off on their reporting. Last time I checked, we all had the same risk of death: 100%.

posted by art @ 7:27 AM

Ach du lieber

Once again the Barbarians are sacking Rome.

posted by art @ 11:15 AM

Oy

It seemed like I had something to post. Something about how intelligence is being pushed out of the public square by some bastardized notion of God. Something about how honest debate and honest differences of opinion are now obscured beneath clouds of smoke and spin and, frankly, piles of horse shit.

Every once in a while, I am seized by the idea that I care about society and the direction it is taking. I care that we're abolishing the estate tax because of a successful, decades-long spin campaign to characterize it as a "death tax." (Far be it from me to point out that the French Revolution was caused in part by the fact that immense fortunes stayed for generations in the hands of the few. Or that only 2.11% of those who died in 2001 were affected by the estate tax. Or that that number will only decrease, in accordance with estate tax rules already in place.)

I care that pharmacists might soon be able to refuse to dispense drugs they don't like. (Does this mean we can assume they DO like, and in fact ENDORSE, all the drugs they do sell, and then hold them directly accountable for the side effects of those drugs? Including cigarettes?)

I care that judges, honest judges who for the most part are only trying to do what is best for the country according to the rules of LAW, are being told that their "time will come."

But then I give up.

Screw yourselves into the ground, you morons. I'll laugh while you do it.

posted by art @ 2:55 PM

I want a new drug

Every once in a while, riding the bus is a true delight. (Every once in a LONG while.) This morning on the 6 a.m. bus, some large kid was talking loudly about his recent battle with a severe lung disease. (No, he wasn't speaking to anyone in particular. But I can't complain: this was a kid after my own heart, treating his cold as though it were going to be the end of him.) He talked about having to administer nine doses of Robitussin. (He spoke of the Robitussin as though it were some carefully controlled medication, available by prescription only.) He talked about how drinking a "soda" put him into a trance because it didn't mix well with his Robitussin. AND, best of all, he regaled us with the tale of his malfunctioning larynx. Apparently the poor larynx was rattling around in his throat every time he took a breath. Luckily for all of us, he was able control these malfunctions by using the deep-breathing techniques his mother taught him.

Larynx malfunction. I might have to use that one.

posted by art @ 7:44 AM