Artful Scheme of Happiness

Whatevah ... I do what I want!

What are you supposed to do when your friend gets a new car, and you hate said new car? I, dissembler that I am, pretended to love it. But really, aren't SUV's just a tad irresponsible in this day and age (are you GOING offroading? do you NEED to use that much fuel?)? So, he gets this new Toyota RAV4, complete with spoiler (!? -- this made me giggle, against my will I swear), and forces me to go cruising with him around town, windows down, J.Lo BLARING. I flashed back to high school and was afraid we'd end up cruising in the cemetery. We didn't, and all is well. Now. The root beer floats made everything better again. (Until I was forced to sit through American Idol. But that's another story.)

News of my recovery may have been slightly premature.

You know that noise you sometimes hear, in Oshkosh anyway, that sounds like a cross between crickets chirping and electrical wires buzzing? My computer just started making that noise. This CANNOT be good. I'd best go, before I'm hit by shrapnel from the inevitable explosion. Is there radioactive material in a computer?

posted by art @ 8:41 AM

The Terror

Well, you all (the three of you who read this) will be glad to know that I am now in the recovery stages of my terrible illness. Some called it giardia (giardia lamblia -- otherwise known as Beaver Fever), some called it the bubonic plague, and other, less charitable, less FEELING people called it a mild cold. Whatever it was (I vote plague), it seems to be abating. Much credit is due to the Portable Dorothy Parker for seeing me through this particularly trying time. No credit is due to the HUMORLESS book on the Chevalier(e) d'Eon.

I'm a-comin' home at the end of September, and of course I'm very excited.

posted by art @ 4:51 PM

So, I'm trying to get to Minneapolis for a wedding at the end of September. The bride and the groom have been amazing enough to arrange for discounts on Northwest Airlines airfares for people coming to the wedding. So what does Northwest do? They jack up the airfare so much that it's cheaper to go to travelocity.com and just buy a regular ticket. What the hell, over? So what I think I'll do is use my old frequent flier miles and just come for free. Then I'll be going home for about a week to hang out with my friends and family. Woohoo!

posted by art @ 12:07 PM

Quality Television

Can I just say that Divorce Court with Judge Mablean Ephriam is the very best show on television? Forget about the Real World re-runs, stop watching Sorority Life (Candace is just TOO homely), and pass Anna Nicole some more "medication." For my money, it's Divorce Court. It's full of love, hate and hard lessons. Perfect!

posted by art @ 1:43 PM

I went to a gay beach the other day, pretty much against my will. But I'm trying to stay open to new experiences, so I let myself be talked into it by a friend. Those who know me know that it's a chore to get me into shorts (hate them), so of course I wouldn't be caught dead in a bathing suit. But I was happy to sit in the shade.

Our main occupation was to have been ogling men, but let me tell you, there was not much to ogle, so instead we had to ridicule and laugh hysterically. A few observations: emaciated men with wiener dogs should NOT wear speedos the size of adult diapers. If you have an erection (for God knows what reason), we'd all like it if you'd roll onto your stomach. No one wants to see that. And for Pete's sake, if you're hung like a gd horse, perhaps you should provide a little SUPPORT for the boys. A powder-blue spandex square cut just does not cut it, though it provides hours of entertainment to horrified/fascinated/giggling onlookers.

posted by art @ 12:58 PM

You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have the facts of life. Luckily for you, I'm only taking the good.

posted by art @ 3:37 PM