Artful Scheme of Happiness

Addle-pated, literally

This morning I was in a bit of a rush. So when I got out of the shower, I pushed some leave-in conditioner into my messy hair and figured I'd come back to it later. As I was walking to the bus, I realized that I'd never come back to it, that my hair was sticking up in every possible direction. I did my best, when I got to work, to make it seem like I hadn't just rolled out of bed and come here. I don't think I succeeded.

posted by art @ 7:13 AM

The Landlord Rides Again

My landlord bought a new car a couple of weeks ago, I thought to replace his old car. The old car was a piece of work. He had removed the back seats and ripped out all of the upholstery on the interior of the car "because it stank." He painted the sunroof over with thick yellow paint, so as not to get a sunburn on the top of his delicate head. And the windows never really did shut all the way, so when it rained (in Seattle? rain?), he was sure to get wet.

So he got a new one. Finally. But instead of driving the old one off of a pier somewhere, he's decided that he wants to be a two-car family (all by himself). And instead of keeping the old one on the street in front of the house, or in the driveway (or, as several of my friends have suggested, up on blocks in the front yard, used as a planter), he's going to keep it stationed in another neighborhood. He called it (and I wish I were not quoting him here, but I AM) his "Dutch bike plan." So the car will be kept on Capitol Hill, and should he find himself on Capitol Hill in need of a car, he'll drive around in it for a while and then park it wherever he finds himself. Then, if he finds himself in that neighborhood in need of a car, he'll drive it around and park it again. (How he plans on getting home from each of these senseless excursions remains a complete mystery.)

The Dutch Bike Plan. What a good idea.

posted by art @ 8:57 AM

Betty Botter bought some butter

Betty Botter bought some butter.
"But," said she, "this butter's bitter.
If I put it in my batter
It will make my batter bitter.
But a bit of better butter
Will make my batter better."

So she bought some better butter,
Better than the bitter butter.
And she put it in her batter,
And her batter was not bitter.
So 'twas better Betty Botter Bought a bit of better butter.

And speaking of ol Betty, you HAVE to read this article!!!

posted by art @ 6:35 PM

Pervy

I got off the bus today, happier than usual to get off the bus. And I was standing on the corner, waiting to cross with the light (like all good Seattleites) when I was accosted by a seeing-eye dog. It was sniffing around in my crotch. I had to wonder, is that dog trying to lead that blind woman to my crotch? Because now is really not the time, and this corner is really not the place.

The light turned green just in time.

posted by art @ 6:38 PM