Artful Scheme of Happiness

So very tired

Forgive me for not posting recently, but I have been working A TON. In the past two days, I have worked 24 hours. Over the next two days, I will work 23 more. And that doesn't include all the parties I have to go to this weekend (why does EVERYONE have to have a birthday in January -- it's bankrupting me). So, with all the work and all the lack of sleep, there's really nothing new in my life to report. I'm sure you understand.

In happy news, I leave for Paris on Feb. 12th. Yay for vacations, and friends who live in Europe who let you stay with them!

posted by art @ 7:59 AM

One of my letters to the President

Dear Mr. President,

as I walked past several starving homeless people this morning, on my way to the Unemployment Office, I was thinking about what a great idea you have on your hands. Pouring $1.5 billion into a marriage initiative! How did you come up with this? It is pure genius. PURE GENIUS.

I am a great supporter of marriage (heterosexual marriage -- TRUE GODLY marriage, as I like to call it). I'm such a fan, in fact, that I have been married several times, and I am planning on at least three more marriages before I "give up the ghost," as they say at church. So you can see why I would be enthused about this.

Mr. President, I have a whole bunch of kids (I don't believe in family planning any more than the Pope). One of them, Art Jr., wants to be an astronaut when he grows up, primarily because he's seen so many pictures of Mars lately. That might be a stretch, unfortunately, because his school is falling down, he has no textbooks, and his mothers and I won't be able to afford college for him. But I figure, they had to send monkeys into space before they could send real people, so maybe there's hope for him yet. I just feel like if I could get married again, he might have a fighting chance. And that's where you come in.

If I could just learn some interpersonal skills from the federal goverment (I've always thought that the feds were reknowned for their interpersonal skills), I feel like maybe I could find another good woman (preferably someone with money -- I'd like her to send at least some of my kids to college). And if I could find another good woman, WITH YOUR HELP, MR. PRESIDENT, we'd all be better off.

And I'd even invite you to my next wedding!

Sincerely, Artful Scheme

posted by art @ 3:21 PM

the best present yet

My mother gave us all hot water bottles for Christmas. With cute little monogrammed sweaters on them. At the time, I thought, "Hmmm, to whom can I regift this?"

Let me now just say that it is one of the very best Christmas presents I have ever received. I carry my little hot water bottle friend with me all over the house. We watch tv together. We eat dinner together. And we cuddle together at night, keeping each other delightfully warm. If you have loved ones in a cold climate, you might try giving one or two of them a hot water bottle this week, just because. I swear to you that they'll love it.

posted by art @ 9:15 PM