Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Guard your tinfoil

Everyone on the bus this evening was drunk, I think, except for me. (Why oh why am I always left out of the fun?) At least, the bus STANK of alchohol and alcoholics. Quite possibly one of the worst odors known to man.

The two drunks closest to me were busy folding up pieces of tinfoil. I assumed they were making a bomb, but can you really make a bomb out of tinfoil, bad breath and a broken walker? (Maybe you can. I'm just asking.) Then I figured they were making hats to guard their greasy hair from the elements (it's raining, men!). Finally some brave (drunk) soul asked them exactly WHAT they were doing. Turns out that they were fashioning themselves some sort of cooler. Since when does MacGyver ride my bus?

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

Well HELLO there!

It's been a long time, been a long time....

Nothing much is new. A heat wave continues to ravage the Northwest, wreaking havoc with my mood. No one is any closer to knowing what is wrong with my brother (I could go in SO many directions with that one). I've been eating a lot of cupcakes lately.

Sigh. Will it ever be cool again?

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

My brother wants you to know...

My poor little brother has mono, which he believes was contracted from some skank at the county fair. He specifically requested that I relay the following details regarding his illness:

On at least 4 nights I have had to change my sheets around 2:00 a.m. because I sweated through them. I have also had to shower.

Thursday july 29th 10:00 p.m. fever at 104+. Subsequent records: 102.6 recorded on sunday august 1st. 102.3 recorded on july 30th. Just so it is not all one-sided, remember the 95.8 recorded with the ear-unit in the E.R. Where I cold sweated through 3 different pillows. I think they eventually ran out.

I cough sometimes which I worry will rupture my bulbuous spleen.

My guts are full of black stuff and about 50 slim jims. Seriously my urine is dark brown. Unlike most MONO patients I can't sleep.

The bags under my eyes look like Jabba's 3rd and 4th ass cheeks.

I'm sterile what with the fevers and all. Appetite is zero. Fingernails kinda long. Mom wouldn't cut my toenails (I thought that was what in-home nurses do?) I have taken to watching Macgyver and Bonanza twice daily. I have a mustache. I am just about to take my newest internet dating picture....

Should be a real winner, Micho! We here at Artful Scheme all hope you get better soon. Oh, and we're glad that mom didn't cut your toenails. That would have been absolutely disgusting.