Artful Scheme of Happiness

VENTING

My landlord currently has a friend visiting us from Minneapolis. Said friend is planning on moving here at the end of the month, so he thought he'd better check out the city, since he's never been here before. Said friend is also a great clumsy oaf and although he's very nice, the klutz factor is starting to drive me crazy. FOR EXAMPLE, I got a new Sonicare toothbrush for myself while I was at home. It's very nice. Yesterday, it was dropped in the toilet by our houseguest. HOW I do not know. Great.

Also, last night our guest decided to stay home with ME instead of going to a movie with my landlord. He wanted to rebraid his hair (which can apparently take 3-4 hours). So he sat on MY COUCH and combed and braided and sprayed some sort of Afro-sheen hair conditioner all over his new braids. And probably all over my couch. I'm picturing the movie Coming To America with Eddie Murphy, when the Soul Glo model gets up from the couch and leaves a gigantic grease spot. If that is the case (I couldn't look this morning -- it was dark and I was running out the door), I will probably have a heart attack and die (so this might be goodbye).

Also (one more thing, while I'm on a roll), our guest went to the grocery store to buy himself a whole bunch of cans of Chunky Soup and a bottle of Tabasco sauce. So as the landlord and I were eating the lovely dinner that the landlord prepared last night, our guest was sitting and eating soup with Tabasco, and sniffling and sweating and wiping his forehead the whole time (LOTS of Tabasco). Really, it was wonderful. I think I might move into my car for the rest of the week. But then how will I protect the last of my as-yet unsullied possessions? You see my dilemma.

Happy New Year! (Goodbye?)

posted by art @ 11:25 AM

Holiday Spirit

I have noticed that my passion for singing (or yelling and screaming) Christmas carols is considerably diminished when said carols are being piped at me from every direction.

There was a woman at the bus stop the other day, and I like to think she had the holiday spirit. She was a very old, very thin black woman wearing fantastic black patent-leather HIGH-heeled boots, long white pants rolled up to show off said boots, a full-length fur (mangy rabbit? rat? baby-eating dingo?) coat, and a rather sparsely-populated platinum blonde wig. She kind of looked like a tarted-up, 70-year old Storm from X-Men.

Luckily she got on my bus, and as we were riding along, she busied herself by adding a grey-brown toupee to her hair ensemble. I wanted to tell her that her toupee was riding slightly forward, with a sort of rakish tilt to one side. But I didn't want to scare the bejeezus out of her, so instead I just smiled at her when I got off the bus.

Now all I do is work, work, work in order to get things done before I come home. Merry Christmas!

posted by art @ 8:04 PM

What the world needs now

Is love, sweet love.

I don't know what to tell you. My time in Minneapolis was great. My niece is adorable (just like ME! only with different lucky special spots). It snowed and I got to shovel (which I like). I'm looking forward to coming home in two weeks, since I haven't been back there for almost a year.

My job is the same as always. Ho, hum, and a million pages of crap through which to sift. My roommate still drives me crazy. Love life, non-existent. Yoga almost every day. (You should have seen my brilliant headstand this morning!) Same old, same old.

Keep on truckin'.

posted by art @ 7:02 PM