Monday, June 27, 2005

Life Stinks

What smells worse than a wet dog?

I was riding the bus the other day and who should I see but Alex from the Apprentice. That twitty Seattle lawyer whose sexuality remained quite ambiguous during the show (and afterwards as well -- I have friends who work with him). He was wearing the world's ugliest leather and canvas dress shoes. So ugly that I stared at them for quite a while, something I don't normally do.

So, that same day, that perfectly sunny, HOT day, a whore sat next to me. A wet-headed whore. Carrying her wet dog. A wet-headed whore with a wet dog on her lap, sitting on a hot bus to Cracktown. THAT is what smells worse than a wet dog.

posted by art @ 7:30 AM

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Porter

Last night as I was getting off the bus, a woman on the sidewalk asked me to help carry her luggage ONTO the bus. I thought she would take a few bags and I would take a few bags, so I agreed. And then I spent the next five minutes carrying all of her VERY HEAVY luggage onto the bus and stowing it for her. (Much to the amusement of the passengers, who loves these little types of delays.) She and her mangy dog watched my exertions but didn't lift a finger to help.

Oh well. Luggage is on my mind these days because I am going home tomorrow for a long weekend. Someone asked me to bring back some cheese. NO. I won't have room in my suitcase (it will be packed with brats).

posted by art @ 9:59 AM

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Forgot one thing

I am FAIRLY sure that someone on the bus last night was transporting a large container of urine (hopefully his own) from one place to the next, and that said container of urine started leaking all over the floor. I sometimes stop to wonder if people questioned why I leaped like a ballerina over that section of the bus floor as I was disembarking. But then I remind myself that I don't care.

posted by art @ 2:45 PM

Two interesting things

Yesterday, as my bus sped down Aurora (Whoraura), I think I saw my first male prostitute. I see the ladies all the time. I'm pretty jaded about that. (Though I'm still intrigued by the idea that one can be picked up and dropped back off during the short amount of time I'm waiting for the bus.) I haven't seen a man before.

My landlord has a new and fascinating method for preventing the sun's harsh rays from be-cancering his delicate skin. When he goes outside, he wears a hat, a white turtleneck and very dark ladies' face powder. I suggested sunscreen. He said no, sunscreen is too moist. I suggested rubbing in the sunscreen. He prefers heavy make-up. Oh well.

It will come as a real shock to my readers that I am actively (well, as actively as I do anything) looking for a new place to live.

posted by art @ 10:07 AM

Monday, June 06, 2005

Link of the Century

This is the link I have been looking for all of my adult life.

posted by art @ 10:57 AM