Artful Scheme of Happiness

DomiNO

I was out dancing with a friend on Saturday night and, somehow or another, I ended up dancing with some new guy. (I know how it transpired -- through the good offices of the friend with whom I'd gone out. Who now, incidentally, happens to be IN DEEP SH*T.) So the new guy and I were dancing and dancing, and all of a sudden he tried to kiss me on the dance floor. Luckily I'm pretty good with the bob-n-weave: I avoided his unwelcome advances. I ain't no dance-floor whore. He did manage to secure my phone number though, which I figured was the least (and the most) I could do for him. (He asked me at the time, "Do you self-identify as a gay man?" Umm, isn't that the reason I've been dancing with you in a gay bar for an hour or so?)

So last night he called and, like a moron, I picked up the phone. "Hi, it was so nice to meet you ... blah blah blah." Yeah, you too. Not really, but whatever. "Umm, I have something to ask you. (Insert as much hemming and hawing here as you can imagine, and then throw in a little more.) You know how I was wearing those leather armbands the other night? Well, some people wear them for fun, but they have a much deeper meaning for me." Yeah, uh huh. I don't really care. "Well, I was just thinking that (hem, haw) it would be nice to meet you for coffee or a drink, but first I need to know whether or not you'd be amenable to exploring ... your rougher side." Well, let me see here... probably not, but since I don't actually know what you're talking about, I can't say. "Umm, hmm, well, you know, umm, I mean like dominance and submission. I'm sort of dominant." Yeah, it really seems like it.

This is the point in the conversation that I wanted to just hang up the phone, run home, get in my car, and then drive over and clobber the friend who pushed us together in the first place. Instead I just called him and threatened to kill him. Which I suppose is pretty dominant of me.

Needless to say, I have no dates scheduled for the near future.

posted by art @ 7:34 AM

Good Ideas

I noticed this morning as I was driving into the city that there is now a porta-potty on the Aurora Bridge. Right on the sidewalk, smack in the middle of the bridge. I am fascinated by this. I hope the ladies enjoy it.

My struggle with obesity continues. On Saturday I conned myself into eating two doughnuts for breakfast, then a pound of some of the best macaroni and cheese in the world. Then a sensible dinner (spinach salad). And a whole bunch of gin. Today all I plan on eating is aspirin.

I hope you have a couple of your own good ideas today!

posted by art @ 7:17 AM