Artful Scheme of Happiness

Cold Front from the North

I went to a museum this weekend to see an exhibit called Women Artists from the Hermitage. Stunning pictures of early 19th century empresses and grand duchesses. An truly amazing portrait of Zinaida Yusupova, great-grandmother of Rasputin's murderer. Stuff like that. So, I went there at 4:00 in the afternoon and somehow I got home at 3:00 the next morning, drunker than I have been in ages.

Whatever; it happens. I'll tell you what doesn't USUALLY happen though.

Men don't USUALLY walk up to me at bars, take a firm hold of my ass, and whisper, "You look like you're from the South."

No, that's actually a first for me. My sister wishes I would have screamed out "South SIII-EEED!" in my best street accent.

I might have. I might have.

posted by art @ 10:23 PM

If you had to have a pet...

what would you name it? I'm hoping for a Mr. or Mrs. Tinklesworth (that's for a dog). Or Pecker or Mrs. Eglantine Cluckston (if it's a chicken). Or Zeus (if it's another gerbil). These are the things I think about every day. I thought you'd want to know.

posted by art @ 10:10 PM

Jesus, Mary and Joseph!

My landlord came up with the bright idea today that he should clean off the roof (OH, NO, never mind about all the projects that need to be undertaken INSIDE) . So he spent hours up there, scrubbing and sweeping and pushing things off to the ground. Only he didn't ever think to close any of the windows in the house, so now everything is covered in this gritty, scummy powder. It's really great. I just came into my room to discover that even my bed is covered in this filth. I can't even express to you how happy this makes me.

It looks like this is shaping up to be a really great week!

posted by art @ 9:59 PM

Oh, the UNFAIRNESS of it all

I went to a new grocery store today. All I had to buy was some toaster waffles (sad but true -- it's what I have for breakfast almost every morning), so I thought I'd try out this new store that opened up close to my house. I don't really know what I was thinking. I mean, just because it's their grand opening doesn't mean that I'm really going to enjoy myself that much more than at any other grocery store. It's not like the brigade of flip-flopping slobs stays away until AFTER the big celebration has come and gone. And I'm not generally inclined to like Safeways anyway. I mean, I only buy organic food, right? But they sell that schmidt everywhere these days, so I should have been in the clear. And I kind of thought it would be fun to do something new (I have these little errors in judgment every once in a while -- which just REAFFIRMS the fact that I should never ever do anything new).

Well it wasn't fun. It was horrid. Those fackers spent 475 billion dollars to build a big old fancy grocery store with a parking lot on top, and then crammed it full of Tater Tots and tubs of Betty Crocker Frosting, but they couldn't manage to put in one or two boxes of Flax Waffles for little old me? We're NEIGHBORS, for Pete's sake! I mean, neighbors do these kinds of things for each other! How the hell do these people expect me to get my Omega-3's? Oh sure, if I wanted to buy a 400-litre keg of Pepsi, they'd be happy to oblige. But some nice little toaster waffles? No. They had me hopping all around the store though, on my mad little quest, because their signs were ... well let's just say that the signs had nothing to do with the location of the advertised product. So that was fun.

Tomorrow will be a fast day at my house. And if Safeway ever needs to borrow a cup of sugar ... NO DICE.

posted by art @ 9:45 PM